Introduction to Irresistible Parenting

Several years ago I read a story about some men who went fishing for king crab in the Bering Sea off Alaska. On this particular trip they hit a huge ice storm. The freezing rain hit the cables and masts and instantly froze in place. As the ice built up, the boat became top heavy. The ice storm continued to hammer their ship for several days. Night and day they were kept busy breaking the ice with large hammers just to keep the boat from capsizing. It was extremely difficult work in the freezing, wind-swept rains, and they were at great risk. It was literally a matter of life and death.

This is not unlike the task of parenting. In fact, I could easily argue that parenting is more challenging, more exhausting, and more stressful with higher stakes than just death. It is far more complex, confusing, and daunting than keeping a boat upright in an ice storm. The role of parenting demands considerably greater fortitude, understanding, and wisdom. It has pushed many to the edge of sanity - and some over.

How do we survive? How do we know what to do? Where do we go to solve these parenting dilemmas? Growing up a Christian I learned to look to the Bible for help. So when my children were little and I faced these questions, I began a study that netted a great catch.

I was raised in an environment that promoted control and good behavior. It was not uncommon for a parent to say, AYou may hate me, but you will do what I tell you to do.@ The emphasis was on well-behaved children. While this may at first seem legitimate and appropriate, I want to caution you. This does not seem to be a Biblical model. We know today that a behavior focus can be very damaging to a child.

A bewildering number of home-environmental pitfalls await the unaware parent.

• A controlling environment
• A perfectionist environment
• A religious environment that lacks true spirituality (connection with God)
• A rigid and many times harsh, hard-line approach
• High expectations
• Low or no expectations
• Spanking and Acorrecting
• Punishment and consequences
• Structure and routine
• A permissive approach that lacks needed structure and boundaries
• Free-play, easy going environments

Many parents justify their parenting by Bible teachings. Many parents have been criticized for using Bible passages to prove their point. Where do we turn and how does the Bible factor in as an authoritative source? What do we do with the apparently random references to discipline and chastening found in the Bible? Even more confusing is what do we do with the various interpretations given to Bible passages and references?

My study began in 1989 when my children were still very small. In following articles, I will share what I have found. I share these not necessarily as absolute truth, but as one man=s study and the conclusions reached as a result. I will share the concepts and applicable references that I learned and came to believe. I will explore easy topics like love, kindness, and encouragement. I will share some of the more difficult topics such as a parent=s role, discipline, and spanking. I encourage you to study this pivotal subject yourself and let God thrill you as he enlightens your mind.

Part of my agenda comes from a belief that we in the Christian community have missed some important aspects to raising our children. The evidence is mounting in our homes, schools, churches, communities, and the country. In many families parents and children are strangers. Children are isolated and feel abandoned. They, in turn, are abandoning our churches and the Christian faith. (According to research only about 4% of our young people today will remain in the church!)

We are in a parenting crisis. I believe that the Bible can help. I believe that many of the things I learned during my study can help. As you read and reflect on what I=ve learned, I invite you to write to me and share your perspectives.

Let me give you a brief glimpse.

John 12:32 has become a foundational concept to me regarding parenting. It says, AAnd I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to Myself.@ (New American Version)

God is describing himself as an irresistible force, a drawing force. When people see the truth about God, who he really is, as referenced in being lifted up, people will be irresistibly drawn to him. They will flock to him. They will come as on a tractor beam but under their own power. If we understand who God really is, we will feel so comfortable with Him and be so drawn to him that no one could prevent us from coming to him.

This is what Irresistible Parenting is all about. As we learn to deal with our children as God deals with us, they will be irresistibly drawn to us. This begs several questions:

• How does God deal with us that is so compelling?
• How does God treat us when we make mistakes, act out, or are otherwise immature?
• What does the word “discipline” mean in the Bible? How is it different or the same as punishment?
• Can we even extrapolate from the Bible to the creation of a “Biblical parenting model?”

The men in the fishing boat survived. The storm's wrath gave birth to a deeper persistence in each of them, and they succeeded in their battle with the relentless ice. We, too, can become successful parents, creating a home environment that fosters deep love and enjoyment as our children grow into productive and happy adults.

In next month's issue I'll share the mission, the purpose and focus, of parenting. This sets the stage for understanding what our job is really all about and how we can best accomplish it. I look forward to sharing what I have found and pray that God will transform us to be Irresistible Parents.