The Biblical Goal of Parenting - Part 1

"Can I have this, Momma?" Little Joel grabbed a candy bar from the super market array and waved it in his mother's face.

"No!" Joel's mother shouted in frustration at her son. "How many times have I told you Hands Off! Now put it back!"

Joel's face clouded over and he grasped the candy even tighter. Scrunching his eyes, he let out a wail. "But I'm hungry! I want it!"

"Joel, I'm warning you," Mother hissed. "You're never coming shopping with me again." What is the true problem we see illustrated in this story? Is it a naughty child? A misbehaving, rebellious little boy? Or is it perhaps a picture of an unhealthy relationship between a child and a mother?

In this article I'm going to talk about relationships.

Parents struggle today with their job of parenting because they lack a clear concise foundation. This foundation includes an understanding of the mission, goals, and objectives of parenting. In the last several articles I have shared what I believe the mission of parenting is: to share the gospel with our children. I believe that when this clearly drives our parenting, we will parent differently, and our children will grow into responsible, balanced young people.

Now I'd like to take the next step and discuss the goals of parenting. The difference between a mission and a goal is crucial here. A mission is the primary purpose. The goals are more specific. As we focus on accomplishing the goals, we will automatically accomplish the mission.

For example, the mission might be to build a new subdivision of 15 houses. A goal would be to build our first house by May 1, 2008. Another goal might be to have the next three houses built by October 31, 2008. So as we accomplish these goals, we will automatically accomplish the mission.

When it comes to parenting there is one primary goal that stands head and shoulders above all other parenting goals. One that lays a foundation that nurtures and assures the realization of our mission. If this one goal is clear, and if our mission is clear, we are much more likely to accomplish our heart's desire as parents.

The key foundational goal of parenting is to develop a strong, positive, respectful relationship with our children. On the surface this may not seem terribly insightful, new, or earth shattering. However, I assure you that what I'm suggesting is not only earth shattering but a radical deviation from the way parenting has traditionally been done. Perhaps it will become clearer as I continue on.

As I submitted in the articles on the mission of parenting, obedience is the prime objective for most parents. However, I am suggesting that the mission is preaching the gospel. And the way we do that is to form a relationship with our child. In fact it is the relationship we have with our child that allows our child to hear the gospel. If we have a relationship that is characterized by nurturing, respect, loving kindness, etc. their ears work great. If on the other hand we have a relationship characterized by conflict, criticism, control, and manipulation, their ears don't work very well. They are unable to hear the good news because bad news is facing them at every turn in this relationship.

It is imperative for us to learn how to develop the kind of relationship that opens the ears and hearts of our children. What kind of relationship accomplishes this? I'm sure it is no surprise to most of us that looking at the kind of treatment we get from God will help answer this question. Let's explore this by looking at the story in the Old Testament about Jonah. This is a story that most of us are familiar with from our childhood, and it has a dynamic that illustrates how God responds to us. It says in Jonah 1:1, 2: "The word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai saying, arise, go to Nineveh the great city, and cry against it, for their wickedness has come up before me."

God invited Jonah to join him in ministry. My imagination is that this was given to Jonah respectfully and with consideration. God's tone was likely kind, perhaps somewhat anxious and concerned for the welfare of the people of Nineveh. Further, that God was not unkind to Jonah in any way in delivering this message. I think it was easy to hear and unabrasive in the way it was delivered.

But Jonah was another story. If we look at this story from a parenting perspective, Jonah would clearly be classified as a "naughty" or "rebellious boy." Next month we'll focus on how God responded to Jonah's naughty behavior.

For more on a Biblical perspective on parenting, check Rawly's web site: www.relationshipsfirst.net.